From his Deathbed this past spring in Missouri’s Ozark Mountains, the late poet Demod Smith suffered the Breach of his final haiku by a fictional character who had been drinking epic amounts of fictional beer.
The drunk, a down-and-out hay farmer named Arnie, had staggered into the poem’s bit about a shimmering meadow and was about to stomp all over perfectly rendered Wildflowers. Forcing the dying poet to put down his Pen.
He slammed it down. Haikus interruptus! Demod Smith was furious.
“I’ll snuff that big bastard out before I let him wreck another line of my poetry,” Smith fumes in a journal entry recorded on May 23, 2010. “Especially one of these lines. These lines, after all, represent my last chance.”
Well, dear Visitor, you may assume with me that by “last chance” Smith meant his last chance to get published. (He did die just a few days later.) Such last chances are our specialty here at ForeverPrized.com, Inc. As the founder and CEO, I am pleased to present Smith’s final poem, The Hayfield. Smith wrote poetry about Life & Drink, so it strikes precious right that in Death his creative essence is shared and perpetually guzzled in this Eternal e-memorial and its accompanying Facebook Page.
Smith’s kin are among the thousands who use my most unique Posthumous Vanity Publishing (PVP) services so that their loved ones may sip from the pint of on-line Immortality . From our beachfront offices in Venice, California, ForeverPrized.com, Inc. has been serving the Departed with PVP and other e-grave services since 1999.
[March 2011 update: Pursuant to a court order, I am obliged to inform readers here of an injunction issued by Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Asa Hornscar. Judge Hornscar's order, among other things, temporarily prohibits me from charging for any new PVP or e-grave services. Please leave me a note here or on our Facebook page and I'll have one of our PVP specialists call you about our "prosecution discount" we're offering if you commit now with no money down and pay as soon as my lawyers get this case thrown out of court.]
As you can see by the poem excerpt to your right, I have been making Dem Smith and his widow’s unrealised Dreams come true on my newest website, The Hayfield Forever. And I can do the same for any other writer or poet who has passed on to the Next Life after having their work passed over during This One. I do not let the haute trifles of talent, craftmanship, or even grammar stand in the way of publication. Through my PVP services you can post your loved one’s prized creations to an all-accepting Universe, including poems, short stories, novel excerpts and drinking songs. (Please see, for example, www.seeminglyforever.com and www.thecartooncowgirlforever.com.) You’ll be gobsmacked by the Reception.
For an additional fee, posthumous publication at ForeverPrized.com comes with illuminating annotations so that you might reach a better Understanding as to your loved one’s words. I strive to hire accomplished literary scholars for this work, and my effort for Demod Smith’s exceedingly long poem is no exception. Here, I have arranged for literary scholars such as UCLA’s former Professors Dr. Odie Leucas and Dr. Catherine Shockley to lead a team through the hay and stanzas of Smith’s beloved Ozarks to harvest and annotate The Hayfield.
Thus, pending the Smith’s family final Balloon Payment for services, the complete poem with footnotes will be published. From the farm, the Leucas-Shockley team , including my old friend Dr. Miguel Starkweather, has been posting their line-by-line and prodigiously instructive commentary on this Forever-sponsored website. These posts will appear just below this introductory message.
My family, staff, attorney, and I all look forward to serving Dem’s family along with you and your family in This World and the Next One.
Dr. Edgar B. Scattergood
Chief Executive Officer
P.S. Please also consider some of my other services. Over at www.ForeverPrized.com, for example, you may purchase an eGrave upon such eGrounds as the elite Whispering Dells or, in the medium price range, Harmony Glades. Funereal applications for Droids, iPhones and iPads are available. I also offer grexting (send text messages from your smart phone directly to your loved one’s eGrave), eUrns, eFlames, conjugal e-Grave visits. And all come with my trademarked, patented and copyrighted eUlogies.
P.P.S. Did I mention that we have set up a Facebook Page for The Hayfield Forever where readers can take part in the poem and literary investigation? Please join or “like” that page to follow the story.
P.P.P.S. [July 2011 update] I welcome Deputy District Attorney Carla Found to our chain of websites. Per the court order, Ms. Found has her own page under the “Lawsuit” tab. We trust that her stay here will be Pleasant and Brief!