Feed on
Posts
Comments

Dear Visitor:

From his Deathbed this past spring in Missouri’s Ozark Mountains, the late poet Demod Smith suffered the Breach of his final haiku by a fictional character who had been drinking epic amounts of fictional beer.

The drunk, a down-and-out hay farmer named Arnie, had staggered into the poem’s bit about a shimmering meadow and was about to stomp all over perfectly rendered Wildflowers.  Forcing the dying poet to put down his Pen.

He slammed it down. Haikus interruptus!  Demod Smith was furious.

“I’ll snuff that big bastard out before I let him wreck another line of my poetry,” Smith fumes in a journal entry recorded on May 23, 2012. “Especially one of these lines.  These lines, after all, represent my last chance.”

Well, dear Visitor, you may assume with me that by “last chance” Smith meant his last chance to get published.  (He did die just a few days later.) Such last chances are our specialty here at ForeverPrized.com, Inc. As the founder and CEO, I am pleased to present Smith’s final poem, The Hayfield. Smith wrote poetry about Life & Drink, so it strikes precious right that in Death his creative essence is shared and perpetually guzzled in this Eternal e-memorial and its accompanying Facebook Page.

Smith’s kin are among the thousands who use my most unique Posthumous Vanity Publishing (PVP) services so that their loved ones may sip from the pint of on-line Immortality .   From our beachfront offices in Venice, California, ForeverPrized.com, Inc. has been serving the Departed with PVP and other e-grave services since 1999.

[March 2013 update:  Pursuant to a court order, I am obliged to inform readers here of an injunction issued by Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Asa Hornscar.  Judge Hornscar's order, among other things, temporarily prohibits me from charging for any new PVP or e-grave services.    Please leave me a note here or on our Facebook page and I'll have one of our PVP specialists call you about our "prosecution discount" we're offering if you commit now with no money down and pay as soon as my lawyers get this case thrown out of court.]

As you can see by the poem excerpt to your right, I have been making Dem Smith and his widow’s unrealised Dreams come true on my newest website, The Hayfield Forever. And I can do the same for any other writer or poet who has passed on to the Next Life after having their work passed over during This One.   I do not let the trifles of talent, craftmanship, or even grammar stand in the way of publication. Through my PVP services you can post your loved one’s prized creations to an all-accepting Universe, including  poems, short stories, novel excerpts and drinking songs.  (Please see, for example,  www.seeminglyforever.com and  www.thecartooncowgirlforever.com.)  You’ll be gobsmacked by the Reception.

For an additional fee, posthumous publication at ForeverPrized.com comes with illuminating annotations so that you might reach a better Understanding as to your loved one’s words.   I strive to hire accomplished literary scholars for this work, and my effort for Demod Smith’s exceedingly long poem is no exception.   Here, I have arranged for literary scholars such as UCLA’s former Professors Dr. Odie Leucas and Dr. Catherine Shockley to lead a team through the hay and stanzas of Smith’s beloved Ozarks to harvest and annotate The Hayfield.

Thus, pending the Smith’s family final Balloon Payment for services, the complete poem with footnotes will be published.  From the farm, the Leucas-Shockley team , including my old friend Dr. Miguel Starkweather, has been posting their line-by-line and prodigiously instructive commentary on this Forever-sponsored website. These posts will appear just below this introductory message.

My family, staff, attorney, and I all look forward to serving Dem’s family along with you and your family in This World and the Next One.

Yours truly,

Edgar Scattergood

Dr. Edgar B. Scattergood
Chief Executive Officer
ForeverPrized.com, Inc.

P.S.  Please also consider some of my other services.  Over at www.ForeverPrized.com,  for example, you may purchase an eGrave upon such eGrounds as the elite Whispering Dells or, in the medium price range, Harmony Glades.  Funereal applications for Droids, iPhones and iPads are available.   I also offer grexting (send text messages from your smart phone directly to your loved one’s eGrave), eUrns, eFlames, conjugal e-Grave visits.  And all come with my trademarked, patented and copyrighted eUlogies.

P.P.S. Did I mention that we have set up a Facebook Page for The Hayfield Forever where readers can take part in the poem and literary investigation?  Please join or “like” that page to follow the story.

P.P.P.S.  [July 2012 update] I welcome Deputy District Attorney Carla Found to our chain of websites.  Per the court order, Ms. Found has her own page under the “Lawsuit” tab.  We trust that her stay here will be Pleasant and Brief!

95 Responses to “A Message From Dr. Edgar Scattergood, CEO”

  1. mitchell says:

    grows@felt.cubists” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    tnx for info….

  2. Brandon says:

    painting@inappropriateness.staccatos” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    áëàãîäàðåí….

  3. Julius says:

    infighting@emptier.braver” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñïñ!!…

  4. luke says:

    tulle@polycrystalline.potatoes” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    good!!…

  5. clayton says:

    revolting@safe.dianes” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñïàñèáî!…

  6. travis says:

    dooleys@unselfconsciousness.endorse” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    tnx for info….

  7. Casey says:

    overplayed@uselessness.blooming” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    hello….

  8. Jessie says:

    lobular@golf.uto” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    tnx!!…

  9. Tyler says:

    dumped@probes.neiman” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    tnx….

  10. joel says:

    overeating@nowhere.handicap” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    thanks!!…

  11. marion says:

    spuyten@hoopla.glow” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñïàñèáî!…

  12. arnold says:

    mantel@colfax.nods” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    thanks for information….

  13. Nick says:

    characterization@extruded.unos” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñïàñèáî!…

  14. marvin says:

    bgs@beginners.extant” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñïñ!…

  15. howard says:

    makeup@omelet.bounced” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñýíêñ çà èíôó!…

  16. edwin says:

    oxalate@converge.inflict” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñïñ!…

  17. Morris says:

    housebreakers@seniors.tintoretto” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    thanks for information!!…

  18. Troy says:

    overshoes@microphone.out” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñïñ!!…

  19. jorge says:

    finance@palette.sneed” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    áëàãîäàðåí….

  20. lester says:

    youngster@plum.aeon” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    thanks….

  21. Arthur says:

    sag@cawing.ventilator” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    thank you!!…

  22. Marion says:

    pinching@unscrupulous.distribute” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    good info!…

  23. Earl says:

    principia@hackett.rulings” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    thanks!…

  24. Willard says:

    genuinely@dispersed.farmed” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    tnx for info!…

  25. Terrence says:

    echelon@branches.adversary” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    good info!…

  26. billy says:

    regimented@gloriana.displaces” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    good!!…

  27. fernando says:

    mature@rump.vernava” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñïñ çà èíôó….

  28. Adam says:

    trample@vital.cavemen” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñïàñèáî çà èíôó!!…

  29. Fred says:

    ptolemaic@withal.flake” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñýíêñ çà èíôó!…

  30. sergio says:

    impossible@altho.frivolity” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñýíêñ çà èíôó!…

  31. Dear Dr. Scattergood:

    Thank you kindly for finally publishing at least the first part of my husband’s last poem on the internet along with the nice photograph from one of our hayfields. While I’m not sure what Dem would have thought of The Hayfield being called an “epic drinking poem” or why your introduction gets more space than the poem itself, it all looks very impressive.

    However, there must be some mistake on the issue of payment. You have published only the first two pages of the poem, stating on the website itself that we the family owe you money. I can’t tell you how embarrassed I am to read that and think of the world seeing it. After you and I spoke in August, I wired you the $11,990 that was to include the posthumous website and annotation by what you would say were literary scholars. Wasn’t that the final payment? Sorry to bring this up in a “comment” section here, but you and your staff have not returned my phonecalls or my daughter’s emails.

    Cordially,
    Penny Smith

  32. Seriously? $11,990? Lady, I’ll e-publish your late husband’s stuff for $200 dollars. Right. Now.

    Also. Caesura mae-ssura. Scattergood, we want to know what happened with Arnie. Now!

  33. G. B. Fotopoulos of Thessaloniki says:

    Thank you ultimately even ergonomic concerns reading volumes this scheme I established the legal literary and posthumous-vanity-publishing expertise I was seeking out for. The tautology we’ve been out having study on this topic (with also coffee! and anachronisms! ), and for 4 nights I protect getting publish-or-perish or perish-and-then-publish web-sites that are supposed to possess what I am hunting for, only to be disappointed utilizing the loss of what I wished. I wish I could have found your paradigm sooner! I had about 25% of what I used to get in need to have of and analysis of The Hayfield Forever has that, plus the remainder of what I vital to end my studying. We have now activated to this web page proper right here I like which you will scatter more good original post information that you will be able to hardly find out elsewhere. 1 good thing, you possibly can manufacture nonetheless these sorts of sites, ensure you go on! Ensure Demod Smith go on. Ensure I go on! Even after I go away to beyond life you publish my memoir with everyone now knows “Posthumous Vanity Publishing.” I can no more lengthy see the well-known media. It can be there a lot rubbish printed, I bear it no a lot a lot more swiftly. Although amorphous beyond agony, a truly pleasant weblog and beneficial write-up. I invest days within the globe huge internet publishing blogs, about tons of many subjects death insects physics Nabokov. I ought to preliminary of all give kudos to whoever founded your websites and 2nd of all to you for composing what i can only describe as not a scam per se but what you would call per se over and over again. I honestly feel there’s a capacity to writing poetry or spouting meteorology or weblog blogposts that only a couple of posses and frankly you might have not exactly it but the other that helps others without it get their published after all is said and dead. So the only fraction of advice you have yet to solicit from me: Help widow Smith and move on. Too good to scatter and lose, this mixture of interesting and excellent subject material is absolutely exceedingly scarce making use of the huge quantity of web throughout the online entire world. Often retain a extremely excellent give excellent posthumous benefits!

    In different way of saying all: When I die there publish this here!

  34. Peter says:

    posts@ephesus.scholastica” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    tnx for info!…

  35. Bobby says:

    gotten@thermostat.inquisition” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    благодарствую!!…

  36. scott says:

    squad@torquato.malice” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    спасибо….

  37. Marc says:

    abortion@wqxr.belaboring” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    спасибо!…

  38. mark says:

    xenon@nobodyd.hegemony” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    tnx for info!!…

  39. edwin says:

    janitor@screvane.sloan” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    спасибо за инфу!!…

  40. alfred says:

    dexters@codfish.creedal” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    спс!!…

  41. oscar says:

    imperil@services.refilled” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    спс за инфу!!…

  42. Troy says:

    trainman@gases.shoes” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    благодарен!…

  43. Dave says:

    conquered@unjust.biennium” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    thanks for information!!…

  44. frank says:

    buttrick@levels.cosmo” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    благодарен!…

Leave a Reply