Dear Visitor:
From his deathbed this June in Missouri’s Ozarks, the late poet Demod Smith suffered the breach of his final haiku by a fictional drunk. The drunk, a down-and-out farmer named Arnie, had staggered into Demod’s description of a shimmering meadow and was about to walk roughshod over perfectly rendered wildflowers when the angry poet threw down his pen. According to a discarded draft of the poem and its marginalia, he sought Delphic counsel from his god(s) about the drunk’s intrusion and then, surprisingly, decided to include Arnie in an all-new poem.
“I would have killed Arnie rather than let him wreck my poetry,” Smith confesses on that draft. “Especially these lines. These lines are, after all, my last.”
Well, Visitor, last lines are my specialty. Thus, as the CEO and Founder of ForeverPrized.com, Inc., I am pleased to present Smith’s last and final poem, The Hayfield, exclusively to readers on the internet. Known simply as “Dem” to his family in the Ozarks of southern Missouri, Demod Smith wrote poetry and drinking songs about Life, so it strikes precious right that in Death his creative essence is shared and perpetually guzzled in this Eternal e-memorial.
Dem’s kin are among the thousands of heirs and survivors who use my most unique Posthumous Vanity Publishing (PVP) services so that their loved ones may sip from the pint of on-line Immortality . With offices in Los Angeles and New Orleans, ForeverPrized.com, Inc. has been serving the Departed with PVP and other e-grave services since 1999.
This month I will be making Dem Smith’s unrealised Dream come true, and I can do the same for any other writer or poet who has passed on to the Next Life after having their work passed over during This One. I do not let the trifles of talent, craftmanship, or even grammar stand in the way of publication. Through my PVP services you can post your loved one’s prized creations to an all-accepting Universe, including poems, short stories, and novel excerpts. You’ll be gobsmacked at the Reception.
(For more prized poetry and fiction perpetuated by my PVP services, please take a Moment to visit www.seeminglyforever.com and www.thecartooncowgirlforever.com)
For an additional fee, posthumous publication at ForeverPrized.com comes with illuminating annotations so that you might reach a better Understanding as to your loved one’s words. I strive to hire accomplished literary scholars for this work, and my effort for Demod Smith’s exceedingly long poem is no exception. I have arranged for literary scholars such as UCLA’s Professor Odie Leucas and Professor Catherine Shockley to lead a team through the hay and stanzas of Dem’s beloved Ozarks to harvest and annotate The Hayfield.
Thus, pending the Smith’s family final Balloon Payment for services, the complete poem will be published and the Leucas-Shockley team will be on location on the farm and in the very field that Inspired our poet to write his masterpiece. The scholars will even post their line-by-line and prodigiously instructive commentary on this Forever-sponsored website. These posts will appear just below my introductory letter.
My family, my staff and I all look forward to serving Dem’s family along with you and your family in This World and the Next One.
Yours truly,
Edgar Scattergood
Dr. Edgar B. Scattergood
Chief Executive Officer
ForeverPrized.com, Inc.
P.S. Please also consider some of my other services. Over at www.ForeverPrized.com, for example, you may purchase an eGrave upon such eGrounds as the elite Whispering Dells or, in the medium price range, Harmony Glades. Funereal applications for iPhones and iPads are available. I also offer grexting (send text messages from your smart phone directly to your loved one’s eGrave), eUrns, eFlames, conjugal e-Grave visits, and all come with my trademarked, patented and copyrighted eUlogies.
Dear Dr. Scattergood:
Thank you kindly for finally publishing my husband’s last poem on the internet along with the nice photograph from one of our hayfields. While I’m not sure what Demod would have thought of The Hayfield being called an “epic drinking poem” it all looks very impressive.
However, there must be some mistake on the issue of payment. I was embarrassed to see that you had published only the first two pages of the poem, stating that we the family owed you money. After you and I spoke in June, I wired you $12,000 that was to include the posthumous website and annotation by literary scholars. Wasn’t that the final payment? Sorry to bring this up in a “comment” section here, but you and your staff have not returned my phonecalls or my daughter’s emails.
Cordially,
Penny Smith