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March 7, 2011 (not certified until July 19, 2011)
Volume IV of IV






Department Y
The Honorable Asa Hornscar

(Continued from Volume One in which Deputy District Attorney Carla Found and defense attorney Simon Singh made their appearances before Judge Hornscar, from Volume Two where Deputy Found asked to go off the record to inquire about me, Fast Mattie Jennings, the court reporter who never goes off the record, and from Volume Three where a live cricket jumped out of an evidence box and into my stenograph machine.)

JUDGE ASA HORNSCAR: We’re back on the record . . . again, if that means anything with Ms. Jennings’ unique court reporter services here.

Before we went off the record, Deputy District Attorney Found gave me a ventilated shoe box from the investigator in the Ozarks with instructions that only I was to open the box. When I did, a rare cricket not seen since the 1960s jumped out and over right into Ms. Jenning’s stenograph machine. At considerable risk to her transcript, Ms. Jennings kindly abstained from pushing the very lever that would have crushed the evidence as well as an endangered [Deputy District Found raises her hand.] species.

Yes, Ms. Found, what is it?

FOUND: I’m sorry to interrupt, Your Honor, but I don’t see anything in the investigator’s report about the cricket being rare or endangered. And they had it checked out with their insect guy.

JUDGE HORNSCAR: You mean an entomologist? Let the record reflect that I am taking judicial notice that this cricket is              , found only in Shannon County, Missouri. Returning to the magnanimous restraint shown by Ms. Jennings, with one less lever to use on her stenographic machine, the very lever chosen by the cricket to lounge under, she continued to transcribe the proceedings [Simon Singh raises his hand.] while I extracted the insect with specialized tongs that I happen to carry on my person at all times.

Yes, Mr. Singh, what is it?

SINGH: Ms. Jennings lost a minute or two while you were doing your bug thing.  She mentioned she might have to reconstruct the minute later in an addendum transcript entitled “A Minute Lost.” My client, Dr. Scattergood, would like to offer Ms. Jennings an on-the-record deal where we will publish her piece posthumously at the domain www.aminutelostforever.com, adding the word forever [Judge Hornscar raises her hand.]

Yes, Your Honor, what is it?

JUDGE HORNSCAR: This is my third and final warning, Mr. Singh. If you interrupt me again or even say another word, I’ll hold you in contempt.

SINGH: [Wordlessly nodding.]

JUDGE HORNSCAR: Ms. Jennings, is it true that you are preparing an addendum to cover the lost minute?

ME: Yes, of course, your honor.

JUDGE HORNSCAR: I don’t recall anyone speaking during that time except for you and I.

ME: The two attorneys in the audience had a hushed conversation among themselves. [The two attorneys look at each other in earnest horror. The attorney for Stephen Hawking* especially looks as though he has swallowed a rare cricket.] I recorded every word I could without using the lever.  I’ll need a few months to rebuild the lost minute but no doubt will.

JUDGE HORNSCAR: Interesting. You must have excellent hearing. OK, we all look forward to reading A Minute Lost. For now, I am issuing my findings and decision: I find that the cricket is found only in

shaded areas; shadow of mountain, eclipses; shadowing; jiminy cricket was pinocchio’s conscience; wanted to be a real boy;  ghost of the cricket; figment, construction, fib,

Singh announced the One Minute Lost Forever deal. Judge announces how the cricket shows her where the scholars actually are. Carla something Greek. Fiction, time. Court says lets meet again the first day of Carmageddon Monday and Carla suggests otherwise, even though she walks to office and court. Needs to be Part V. Has to be because it’s gonna be too long too include the attorneys. One last and final break, perhaps the lost minute without a certina work

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